As children grow older and enter their middle grade years, young
people crave more independence as they begin to explore who they are and their place in the world. As they are going through major transitions, parents often assume stepping back and giving them space might be the best strategy to encourage independence and self-esteem. However, it is crucial that parents do not step out or diminish their role but merely redefine it. Parental involvement during this critical time can make the difference between their childrens’ success and them being swept away by the powerful undercurrents in what has come
to be known as the’ Bermuda Triangle’ years.


Some researchers associate the middle grades with the‘predisposition stage’. This is when students develop educational and life
aspirations. This is the time most commonly associated with a decline in academic achievement, motivation, and self-esteem. As they develop their self-concept and identity, students make decisions about what they are capable of and what they see as their possibilities. Students will make choices about secondary school, extra-curricular activities, friends, and future careers based on these perceptions. They will also become interested in academic achievement and community involvement based on their self-concept. Most importantly, they
may give up or become depressed due to poor perceptions of their life
possibilities.

 Studies have indicated that parental involvement (which includes
everything  from reading and discussing daily events with their children, communicating high expectations, maintaining consistent household rules, and attendance or participating in school activities) must remain consistent and active. Parental involvement,
 especially high expectations, appear to have the most significant impact on long-term achievement of young people across all socio-economic, geographic, and cultural groups. It is clear that the most accurate predictor of a student’s achievement is not income or social status but the parents’ ability to create a home environment that encourages learning, high but not unrealistic expectations, and consistent involvement in their children’s education.

 When parents consciously make time to have conversations about
everyday events, discuss readings, cultural activities or community events, regularly express affection, as well as clearly communicate the importance of education and establishing goals, children will adopt perceptions that support personal growth and academic achievement. They will feel more confident about making decisions, their ability to problem-solve and realize goals. The more they feel they can do, the more they will want to do and ultimately be more excited about the possibilities available to them. This upward spiral builds inner strength and self-esteem.

Parents need to create an environment that promotes learning by
reinforcing what is being taught in school and the child’s responsibilities in their learning. They can enrich and extend learning that takes place in school by taking their children on trips to the museum, art gallery, theatre, or community events. By demonstrating interest in school activities and curriculum, young people come to believe that what they are learning is relevant and has
meaning beyond the classroom.  When parents teach and reinforce conflict resolution and positive communication skills by modelling and rewarding these skills, children learn to negotiate the system and feel more control over their lives. By establishing  daily family routines such as consistent bed times, having dinner together, assigning
household responsibilities, and doing homework, children gain a sense of security and connection as well as help them develop tools and habits that support their success. When parents demonstrate a love of learning and that achievement comes from working hard, children are much more likely to follow suit.

Most importantly, all children want to feel recognized and accepted. Praise is a parent’s most powerful tool. It must be genuine and related to specific achievements. 

As children grow older, parents may make fewer decisions for them but must still actively coach, cheerlead, guide, reinforce, and establish
boundaries for their middle graders. This may mean that they must step back and give them room to explore and experiment but does not mean that they should diminish the time they invest in building and maintaining their relationship with their child or lessen their involvement. The dance of the parent-child relationship may change in nature and form, but not in intensity or consistency. This will ensure your children do not flounder or lose their way during the turbulent years of the middle grades.



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It’s New Years day and as is typical this time of year, we are
hearing all the doomsday predictions. Once again the world is coming to an end. 

Whether people claim these predictions are based on prophecies from Nostradamus. the Bible, the Mayan Calendar, or scientific ‘evidence’ of the earth crossing paths with a mega-meteor, we’ve heard it all before and frankly, I don’t really give any of them much weight or serious consideration.
 
However, what is becoming more worrisome is not the possible end of
the earth scenario, but the real challenge of living and surviving a period of history that will indisputably be marked by economic, environmental, social and political instability. And many of us are concerned about what might be coming. We’re concerned about a global financial collapse, an ecological crisis, potential disruptions in the food supply, and our overdependence on technology. In addition, extreme and unusual weather patterns are being witnessed across the
world. The signs are all around us. We don’t need prophets, psychics, or
prodigies to tell us what we can all plainly see. But how do we really prepare ourselves for this new world? How do we prepare our children without making them fearful, depressed, or apathetic?

The bottom line is if you can’t believe in the world, you must
believe in yourself and the people in your life who care about
you.
 
Western civilization may be in decline. All civilizations
eventually do. Some disappear, but most evolve –diminishing, assimilating into a larger emerging civilization, or transforming into a completely new entity due to outside pressures.

The individuals who are self-reliant, possess the necessary
survival skills, and are resilient will make the pragmatic choices needed to create a life in this new world. These are the same skills that almost every previous generation possessed in order to survive war, depression, displacement, exclusion, natural disasters, and political oppression. 
 
Living in the delusion that our privileged existence would continue
forever, many of us have robbed our children of the learning they need to survive and even thrive in challenging times. We have sheltered, over-supervised and over-controlled, and actually stunted the growth of our children. Of course, we thought all those lessons and planned activities, parental involvement, and toys would enhance (and perhaps even accelerate) their intellectual and social development. And aside from the materialism/consumerism we fostered, the sense of entitlement we may have indirectly encouraged, and the unrealistic
expectations we created, many of us forgot to teach our children the most important lesson. Quite simply – how to take care of themselves. Without that knowledge, we are actually creating a learned dependence that ultimately diminishes the independent thinking needed to be truly resourceful; a creative problem solver who can be decisive and take action. 

What were the basic skills that provided our ancestors with the
ability to survive? What will our children need to
know?

 1.  Today children are all being taught to be ‘green’ – recycle, reuse,
reduce. And don’t get me wrong- environmental awareness and stewardship is essential. But a more fundamental message is that recycling, reusing, and reducing are not new concepts but basic survival skills. Throughout history, people were taught to take care of their stuff, salvage things to make new stuff, and fix their stuff that wore down or broke. Making things and fixing things instead of continually buying things should once again be strongly encouraged. We should be proud of our children’s efforts and even show a preference for the things they create over the things they buy. Shop in vintage stores, buy used books, make your own Halloween costumes out of things you have around the house, teach your children how to sew and make clothes for their dolls (and if you don’t know how, find someone who can), make a club house out of old boxes and crates, etc. etc. Sound familiar? Sure, because that’s what most of us did but forgot the fun we had and skills we developed. Now we take more pride in ‘providing’ for our kids than inspiring out kids to be resourceful. Do your kids a favor and encourage them to be creative and live
sustainably.


2.  What did we all use to do when we were kids with no money? We learned to barter, negotiate, and trade – just as our ancestors did. We traded cards, marbles, lunches, favors or even our labor. Most kids still do, but often parents now discourage this behavior. In simple terms –DON’T! Our children need to know that money is not the only currency or medium of exchange. The goal is to get what we need and sometimes, when appropriate, the things we want. It’s smart to trade a toy you don’t play with any more to get that comic book you really want. It’s resourceful to offer to tutor someone in exchange for them helping you fix your bike – especially, if you learn to do it yourself as a result. 
 
3.   Since Humans stopped wandering and created settlements, land has
represented wealth. Why? Because they understood where food came from and when they discovered how to grow food, they were able to control their food supply. Understanding our connection to the land is as basic as understanding we need air to breath. Until recently, most people saw their parents and grandparents garden and proudly prepare food from the plants they nurtured. Aside from the many health and financial benefits in being able to grow some of your own food
(and the sense of accomplishment), this is one of the key tools in our survival toolkit.

 4.   It takes emotional, intellectual, and physical fortitude to face
challenging times. Our ancestors didn’t belong to a gym, go to yoga classes, or have a treadmill in their basements. Their lifestyles were more physically demanding. They walked, did manual labor, and maintained their homes and properties without the benefit of automated appliances or gadgets. We may not want to go back to those times but encouraging daily physical activity to build stamina and mental alertness cannot be underestimated. Over-reliance on cars,
hours in front of the computer or TV, and recreational activities that are largely passive or being a spectator limits our children’s physical capacity to deal with the stresses and challenges of everyday life. We need to engage and involve our children in physical activity – working in the garden, shoveling snow, helping to clean out the garage, walking to school, playing sports, carrying groceries, building things, walking the dog, etc. And one of the wonderful side effects of leading a more physical life is that they might be more tired at the end of the day and look forward to getting a good night’s sleep – something many young people lack (which impacts their ability to focus and learn as well as their general health) 

5.     Now brace yourself! I know a lot of you will have a lot of trouble
with this idea but one of the most basic survival skills survivors had is the courage to be alone. Yes, they were not afraid to be alone and, in fact, learned to enjoy that private time when they could day dream, engage in a hobby, work on a project, read, or simply explore. Of course, they valued their connections to their friends, family and community but were not afraid to stand alone, be alone at times, or have to do something by themselves without continual guidance or supervision. This ultra connected society we live in breeds insecurity and fear
 of being alone, disconnected (even for a little while), or being different.
Overcoming this manufactured need for being accepted at all costs and needing to be ‘wired in’ at all times can build self-confidence but more importantly will allow your child to become an independent thinker which is absolutely essential in a crisis,  when confronted with a challenge, or to lead or succeed in any situation. This, of course, also means that parents must learn to overcome their fear of their children spending some time alone, being disconnected, or wanting to be different.
 
Do we have to worry about the end of the world as we know it? Yes.
Change is inevitable. Unfortunately, change is not always progress but even positive change brings with it stress. Encouraging our children to be independent, confident, resourceful, and healthy will better prepare them to be
successful in almost any scenario. 

Nowadays when we look around the world, many of us are disillusioned and can easily become pessimistic about our futures. But the last thing we want to do is rob our children of their faith in humanity or the optimism we need to fuel positive change. However, we do need to look at our worldview or values and whether they are consistent with building a future that inspires young people.

Recently I have been hearing a lot of very smart people saying that the way to improve the economy is by producing individuals with more advanced degrees. They are telling us that what we need is more PhDs. I think that most professions, parents, people would like to believe if there were more like them, the world would be in less of a mess. That is a very self-affirming view of life but unfortunately it actually may be aggravating the problems we have.

The desire for greater efficiency has resulted in more technological solutions that may increase profit for owners (or shareholders – absentee owners) of companies, but often does not contribute to greater job creation or even the local economy. Putting more people to work in Canada at jobs that pay more than the minimum wage, broadening the tax base, and allowing people (who are not interested or do not have the temperament to essentially become academics) to take a sense of pride in their work should be seen as important goals.

It is highly unlikely that most people in our country, province or city will earn advanced degrees. Approx. 20% of our young people still drops out of high school. We are also seeing a decrease in interest by young men who want to go to college or university. And now we are considering building an economic system that will further exclude and marginalize most people. This cannot do anything but breed greater division and conflict.

It would seem an archaic and counterproductive notion to recommend or promote labor-intensive industries that would simply require literate people with some education. But looking at the issue objectively, this does seem the most logical strategy. The reason we have moved away from this direction and toward high tech systems and processes is to create greater profitability and easier manageability for an elite group that benefit from such an economic system. It requires much greater skill and talent to manage a human driven organization than to design efficient systems largely devoid of human participation. We preach cooperative learning, working as a team, and the importance of communication and motivation. We seem to intellectually understand that we must embrace diversity and create more inclusive environments. But do these priorities really translate to the economic systems we have created?

Instead of creating products and businesses largely supported by technologically driven systems, why don’t we apply our brightest minds to creating processes that require the participation of large numbers of people in various capacities. I am not suggesting excluding technology all together but not making it a goal in itself. Yes, the cost might increase slightly. But if many more people are employed and feel secure in their jobs, more products will be sold and they would be willing to pay slightly more for the products they buy.

The real challenge is whether we can  produce managers with the skill to create organizations that can successfully recruit, train, motivate, oversee and be genuinely accountable for high levels of production quality and customer service. We have become better at automating than training, engineering a system than actually working cooperatively, and creating new channels for communication rather than relating to each other. In the end, it may be efficient according to the criteria developed by an elite, but it is not a model for creating an economic system that values diversity, inclusion or sustainability.

Sustainability requires environmental, economic, social, and political systems to complement each other – harmonizing goals. Little progress can be made if we cannot agree to move in the same direction. This may seem overly idealistic and simplistic, but if we want to energize the next generation, we must construct a reality where they see opportunity, possibility, and dignity for most of them.

The Co-Walkers, Awakening is based on a combination of ancient Celtic myths and traditions as well as neo-pagan philosophies. These nature-based faiths are often misunderstood and maligned. The spirit world has long been associated with propaganda and folktales created to scare people away from non-Christian practices. Wicked witches, evil demons, horrifying ghosts, and other malevolent supernatural beings such as werewolves and vampires have populated stories meant to convince people to abandon ancient pagan religions and to conform to rules and beliefs that supported the power and dominance of the Christian church. Although they may have coerced an entire civilization to sever the deep-rooted connection to a belief system that integrated humans into an organic and holistic view of the universe, they could not break the psychological or unconscious connection to the natural world that continues to beckon us till this day.

Today a growing number of people are returning to nature based faiths, whether the Wiccan church, aboriginal traditions, or new age philosophies. Hundreds of thousands of people in North America have embraced worldviews that are more consistent with values that honor our connection to the natural world and the ideal of living in harmony with all forms of life.

In The Co-Walkers, Ashley, Brian and Matthew launch their quest to the Spirit World on Samhain Eve. This important Celtic holiday formally ushers in the New Year, welcoming the beginning of a new cycle. The dark season or winter begins the evening of October 31st. Traditionally it was a time when people celebrated the fruits of their labor after harvest, but it was also a time to honor the ancestors who passed on knowledge that allowed them to survive. During this time of transition, it is believed that the veil between the realms briefly lifted or thinned to allow past, present and future to merge. It is a magic moment in time when loved ones who have passed are able to return, ancestors can provide guidance, and glimpses into the future inspire and prepare individuals. Just as in our world, the spirit realm is inhabited by both good and evil beings who are able to freely travel to our realm on this night. There are many stories that also tell of Irish heroes who organized raids into the Faery Realm while the gates stood open. All beings return to their appointed places by “cock-crow” or sunrise.

So Samhain is a time to remember that death and regeneration are natural. Birth, growth, death and renewal are all part of the cycle of life. Death opens the door to the next stage of life, a new form of being, and should not be feared. Spiritual and material realms overlap, and various plains of existence are all connected. This complex web of life thrives when in balance or harmony.

Samhain rituals teach followers to cherish the connections and acknowledge that choices have impact, rippling out and ultimately reaching every corner of the universe. Learning from the past, living in harmony with each other and preserving this ecosystem that supports our existence requires a sense of personal responsibility and purpose. Therefore, everyone matters.

Halloween has become one of the most popular celebrations of the year. Commercialized and trivialized, the real magic of the holiday is often lost in a sugar-induced haze. This year, we might take a moment to explain to our children that this ancient tradition is widely practiced today by people around the world. These individuals feel empowered by their intimate connection to the natural world, a world that exists on spiritual, material and psychological levels. Humans are seen as part of an intricate web of life that connects us all- past, present and future. The potential of the human spirit is seen as limitless, as is our power to create. Our imaginations and dreams speak to us of the great wonders and possibilities that exist. Magic is all around us, and science is only beginning to discover what the ancients knew about various plains of existence, and our powers to heal and transform us. This word view is truly awe inspiring and empowering. Like our pagan friends, we may wish to declare “blessed be”.

Robert Kirk, a 17th century reverend who was proclaimed a ‘faery scholar’, originally coined the term ‘Co-Walker’. A Co-Walker was a being that could not only walk between the earthly and faery realms, but also among all of the ‘Otherworlds’.

Rev. Robert Kirk, the vicar of the parish of Aberfoyle, Scotland officially investigated the faery world. He documented first hand accounts of those who visited faery hills, faery courts, and recounted the lives of these magical beings. In his book, The Secret Commonwealth of Elves and Faeries, (which was published in 1891 by Sir Walter Scott) the stories Kirk collected represented evidence of the reality of these ‘Otherworlds’.

A few hundred years ago seeing faery beings, having conversations with them, and observing them appear from and disappear to the faery realm was considered somewhat commonplace. In fact, until the mid-19th century, most people in Ireland and Scotland still believed in the ‘good folk’ and considered them an important part of their heritage. Fairy lore wove through centuries of ballads, poems, and stories. Good and evil, large and small, charming and grotesque, almost everyone had a story about an encounter.

To those of us who were raised in a materialistic, ‘scientific’ world, the existence of spirits or any invisible intelligence such as fairies is relegated to the sphere of imagination or primitive thinking. As our world has become more urbanized, industrialized, and we spend more time surrounded by electronic gadgets than in our natural environment, we are seeing ourselves less and less as part of the natural world.  Human beings, as all life, are intimately connected to the ecosystem from which they emerged. Their strength flows from the connection. As humanity has become increasingly more divorced from nature, we are not only feeling the loss of this innate connection but are suffering many ailments associated from what Richard Louv has termed as our nature deficit. Various forms of illnesses, physical, emotional and spiritual have been directly linked to our diminished bond with the natural world. We have attempted substituting artificial objects and environments for natural connections but we are beginning to realize that this has only exacerbated the problem. Hiking, climbing a trees, or paddling down the river using our Wii video games may actually convince some that it is a realistic simulation, but our senses know that this is a poor imitation.  The world that was previously instinctively understood, and profoundly felt is now invisible to us. We cannot conceive of beings or places that exist on a plain that is not manufactured, measured, or monitored by ‘objective’ means that have been defined in a way that devalues an inborn knowledge or logic.

Only through our stories that tap into ancient knowledge and bring forth imaginings that reflect our yearning for the connection we have lost, that defined our essence as humans, do we remember who we really are. This alienation or loss of vision has been the subject of discussion among those who realize that our spirituality, our understanding of our place in and connection to the universe, has made us increasingly more dependent on the things that have reduced the vast powers we were created with.

The breakdown of our relationship with nature began when Judeo-Christian beliefs reduced pagan ideals or nature based belief systems to superstition or even dangerous expressions of evil entities created to conform our behavior to man-made religious organizations that sought power and status. Instead of being born from nature, Humans came to believe they were created in the image of a God that was above and separate from nature. We were the ‘Masters of the Universe’ who could exploit nature to meet our immediate needs and wants. Nothing on earth was considered sacred.

As long as most people tended their farms, and lived among nature they still instinctively understood their connection to it for their livelihood. But as the world became more urbanized and technology and science were seen as the solutions to all our problems, the idea of nature became abstract and remote to most people.  The countryside was something one visited, maybe. And as we became more detached from the natural world, and we began living and working in concrete cubicles deliberately designed to separate us from the environment that sustains us, we have seen the rise of anxiety, depression, apathy, and insecurity. In fact, the outdoors – nature itself, has become a fearful concept to many.

The Co-Walkers Kirk originally wrote about were special beings that could not only ‘see’ beyond our realm of existence and experience the extraordinary, but build relationships with spiritual beings that populated other plains of existence. Restoring our loss of vision – reawakening our connection to nature to receive the knowledge it holds - should be given as much consideration and priority as the time and resources dedicated to developing new technology to solve the problems our technology has created in the first place. We have created a vicious cycle of dependence that has diminished our capacity as humans, creating a spiral of destruction that if not broken will lead to the extinction of the human race. Now scientists are saying our only salvation is actually merging with the machines we have created because we are too inferior to survive without them. And as shocking as it seems to some, others are beginning to embrace this idea of the future.

We should be looking to the ‘faeries’, to the nature spirits, to other forms of life on this planet to save us from this ultimate degradation. The faulty paradigms defining what we consider quality of life – unending consumerism and material status – have created illusions of progress that have blinded us to seeing and feeling the call of nature to reconnect to our home and protect our future. Sustainable peaceful co-existence with each other, all life on this planet, is seen as an unrealistic goal because our vision of the world has been altered to blind us of this truth. The many vested interests in our current system continue on a path of domination. They will continue to terraform nature and even our human body until we will no longer recognize ourselves as humans, nor value our humanity, children born of the garden.

Restructuring our model of reality to perceive the world as our ancestors could is not the abandonment of reason or even science but broadening our paradigm of learning to include a fundamental belief that other energy levels, dimensions, planes of existence exist and can be accessed through nurturing all our senses to a heightened level, enabling us to interpret and ‘see’ the constant flow of information made available to us from our natural environment – much in the same way most other living things are able to do. Expanding our consciousness to receive and experience the world in a different way that requires us to live more cooperatively with nature is the basis of a real revolution, true progress that humanity has not yet been able to achieve.

Nature spirits, fairies, or whatever name we assign them may be our guides or our way of understanding an expanded vision of our natural world and our critical role within it. Our stories and the beings that inhabit them may provide us with the means to rediscover who we are and how we are all connected. Adopting new paradigms of reality to motivate positive change and abandon destructive patterns of existence may be the awakening we have been hoping to experience. 

 

Today is my birthday. My first thought was that this year went by way too fast. I then thought about all the wonderful experiences I’ve had over the past year and how fortunate I am. That’s not to say my life is perfect or that I haven’t had any problems or concerns. But on the grand scale of life, I can clearly see that I have a lot of things for which to be grateful. One side of the scale is definitely tipping in my favor – a loving husband and great kids, a challenging job that requires me to continue learning and allows me to make a meaningful contribution to my community, good friends and family, and the privilege of living in a peaceful and tolerant country.

Already having so much, what could I possibly wish for my birthday? The obvious answer is that I wish others, especially future generations could have what I have been able to enjoy in my life, and some things that I have dreamt of experiencing.  I hope they will have the opportunity to stand on the shore of a clear blue lake and not worry whether it is safe to take a swim. I wish that they can take a deep breath of air and know that is clear of any toxins; that they can turn to see a beautiful landscape that is filled with lush green forests that are inhabited by a rich diversity of animals and plants. I imagine them walking down a path to a public space where people can gather and enjoy activities together. Perhaps sitting with family and friends sharing a healthy meal (free from poisonous chemicals) and listening to a concert performed by local musicians or watch a play put on by a community theater group. They are able to stroll through the city without feeling overwhelmed by heavy traffic or throngs of people trying to make their way down the street. I can see them entering a clean spacious solar powered transit car that takes them safely to a stop near their home, which they can leave unlocked without fear of it being invaded or vandalized. And finally, I wish that they could switch on their TV and watch the news and the top story would be the celebration of ten years without war or terrorism. The people that deliver the news and are featured on programs represent every size, shape, and color of humanity. Finally, the person who wins Ms. Universe is a thirty something year old paramedic who has a warm smile, wears her size 12 evening gown with pride and grace, and is recognized for her vast contributions to her community.

When I close my eyes to blow out my candles, I can clearly visualize such a place and it brings a smile to my face. And then I remember an old song that Elvis Presley sang – If I Can Dream. I still love Elvis; that song still inspires me, and I still believe that if I can dream of a better place, then it can come true.

Check out Elvis singing If I Can Dream http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CMlYVu9J4g